Getting a Partner To Make Changes
Q. How can a person get their partner to make changes?
A. Changing habit patterns are not easy even when a person wants to change. No one can make a person change. However, we can approach our partners in a way that respects and honors them, and ask for what we want. I wait for a time when my husband and I are feeling good together. I always begin by letting him know what I love, value and appreciate about him and our relationship. I tell him I have something I want to request that will, for me, make our relationship even better. I ask if this is a good time to share this. It usually is, but if it is not, I ask him when would be a good time, and we make a date. When I share, I make sure we are facing each other, looking into each others eyes, preferably even holding hands. I tell him that I want to have the best, most loving, kind relationship it is possible to have, and that I have a concern that I want us both to look at and discuss. I may ask him to hear me out before he says anything, and that I will do the same for him. When change is asked for in this respectful and loving manner, my husband is happy to listen and discuss the concern I have or change I am requesting. He does the same with me, and we are finding it is easy and fun to make the changes we request of each other. The really neat thing is that most of the changes we ask of each other are changes we ourselves want to make anyway! In this way we can be agents of good change for each other.
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