Minimizing Rejection
Q. I've been dating a very nice guy for several months but I realize he's not the one. How can I tell him this without hurting his feelings?
A. Rejection is rarely easy, to give or get. If he wants to be with you more than you want to be with him, he's going to feel some hurt. You can minimize the hurt by being kind along with being honest. Begin by telling him what you appreciate about him. Then share what it is that you feel you need in relationship that is lacking with him. Let him know there is nothing wrong with him, but that you need something other than what you have with him. End with another appreciation and the hope that you can still be friends. For example, John, we've been together now for several months and I think we've had a chance to begin to get to know each other. There is a lot I appreciate about you. I appreciate your consideration, your sense of humor, your mind (whatever you do appreciate). However I am noticing a restlessness in me and I realize there are some things that just don't work for me being with you. I yearn for more excitement and passion. I feel more like a sister than a sweetheart. You deserve to be with a woman who really wants to be with you and knows you are the one for her. I simply don't feel that way. You are a great guy and I hope we can still be friends. He may or may not want to be friends. Some men are able to make that transition and some are not. Don't take that personally. Give him space if he asks for it. And know that by being honest and kind, you give both of you the possibility to find someone more suited for each of you.
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