Need For Real Communication
Q. I have a woman friend who understands me better than my wife. I really like hanging out with her but I feel guilty, even though were not sexual. I can tell her things I cant tell my wife. Is this OK?
A. It is important to have friends you can talk to. Sometimes, however, we get into the habit of closing off to our nearest and dearest, and then we must find someone else we can open up to. Our soul longs for honest, clear, REAL communication. If we dont have it with our spouse, we will find it elsewhere. There is nothing wrong with this. But you dont want to do it to the exclusion of your mate. You need authenticity and truth in your relationship in order to feel close. You must feel felt and be heard in order to open up. Use this experience with your friend to look at the areas where you want to bring more honesty to your relationship. Then find a time and ask your wife for a date. Take her somewhere you both feel comfortable and romantic, and tell her you want to share some honest thoughts and feelings with her because you want to bring more closeness to your relationship. Find a way to tell your truth without blame or judgment, and share from your heart. Ask her to hear you out, and then ask her if she has anything she wants to share with you. Give her the same courtesy of listening without interrupting. When you can both do this, you will feel closer and more intimate with your wife. This makes for a stronger relationship and you will no longer feel guilty because you are sharing yourself deeply in a way that feels good to both of you.
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