Partner Keeps Anger In
Q. I have a partner who never expresses anger. She just keeps it in until she gets sick. I wish shed scream and yell and get it out. She says she doesn't believe in expressing anger, but it looks to me like she is killing herself by keeping it all in. J. B. Wailuku
A. There is a big difference between expressing anger through an emotional drama that hurts those around you, and expressing anger clearly without the hurt and drama. Your partner needs to learn to express her feelings so she doesn't make herself sick. She may also need to cathart, (express feelings in a big way), especially since she has held them in for such a long time. Catharsis can be very therapeutic and will help her reclaim her power and energy. This can be done through things like Holotropic Breathwork, Rebirthing, Expressive Arts Therapy, Dance Therapy, Music and Sound Therapy and Anger Release Therapy. When the imploded (held in) anger has a safe place to emerge, tremendous energy is released that can be used for healing, creativity and a host of other positive experiences. Anger comes along to tell us we are not setting boundaries. When someone does something that feels hurtful, like calling you a name or saying something derogatory, you feel hurt and angry. Some people only express the anger. Others may only express the hurt. It is important to acknowledge both are present and to tell the truth without blame or judgment. This may be expressed, as, When you call me names, I get angry. I feel hurt and want to go away from you. I will not be in a relationship with you if you call me names. I respect myself, and I need you to respect me too if you want to be with me. Talk to your partner in a gentle way. Tell her you are concerned for her health and you want to support her in finding the avenue that feels right for her to learn to express her feelings in a way that works for her. Let her know that you are willing to work with her so both of you can express your feelings to each other in a way that is respectful and kind. You might also find a therapist to work with you both trust and get some help in this process. Let us know what happens!
|
|
