Son Disrespectful to Fiance
Q. I'm about to get married to a wonderful man. The only problem I have is that my son, age 9, is disrespectful to my fiancé and me. My sweetheart has been as nice as he can be, but to no avail. We are at wits end. My dream is of a loving family, which is what Im trying to give my son, but he just doesn't get it. J. T. Kihei
A.. You can't demand your son love your fiancé, but you can demand respect. It is natural for your son to see your sweetheart as competition for your time and energy, and therefore resent him, no matter how nice he is. You need to be the firm one here. This is the time to help your son understand the importance of respect. If he can get this now, it will serve him his whole life. 1. Let your son know that he does not have to like or love your fiancé, but he must respect him. 2. Talk to him about the need to respect everyone, and the good that comes form respect. 3. Point out people in your sons life that are respectful to him, and how good that feels. 4. Show him people who are not respectful, and what that leads to. 5. If there are an uncle, teacher, coach or counselor your son respects, you might talk to him about helping you by respectfully talking to your son. 6. Encourage your fiancée to be respectful to your son. Support them in spending time together. You must be firm. If your son is disrespectful to you or your sweetheart, there must be consequences. Take away some privilege or experience he enjoys. Your son must not be allowed to be disrespectful or he will continue this behavior for life. Tell your son, You respect us, and well respect you. When your son is respectful, make a point of acknowledging him, and give him an extra perk, his favorite dinner or something he loves. Your son will eventually realize his life is better with you in a loving relationship. Be sure to spend quality time with your son alone. Support him in sharing his feelings about the new man in your life and acknowledge them. Let him know that just because you have a man in your life, your son will always have that special place in your heart and that you want your relationship with him to continue to grow in consciousness and love.
|
|
